The wonder between us

Most of us say that love is a choice, which we can choose to love or not to love.  But rarely and unexpectedly there are people like us who never ever planned to fall in love again. So continuously I am questioning my self... “Why I have fallen for you, how is it possible that I am in love with someone this much selfish and that robotic? And I am in love with someone who isn’t mine?”

How differently we can feel about someone at the beginning of the journey and at the end of the journey. The best kind of relationships begins unexpectedly. I realized that when I replay our interactions over and over in my mind; the way you react, they way you ignore, the silence....  you are completely blind to what you feel. And the cruelest thing you do to me is making me feel that I am a complete stranger and always a temporary replacement.   Finally I became an object and I myself stand and watching how you play with the object. Still.....  lam falling again and again with my own feelings about you. I think that’s the wonder of a human heart... the level of tolerance for ignorance and the warmth of the human interaction. When you get the astonished feeling and everything happens so suddenly. That’s why you don’t look for love. It comes to us just at the right time. The time we never thought it would have. 

I always believe that feeling unsure and lost is part of our paths. So don’t ever avoid it. Let it come out. Let it flow as it is. See what those feelings are trying to show you and use it wisely. Feel it gently. Share and spread it unconditionally. When you are feeling tired ... close your eyes and take a deep breath, you will be okay. 

I assume that I know most of the things about you... the bull with wildest behavior, the demon with the darkest secrets, and the saint with the kind eye and the human with all black and white. Yet I am never too hurrying to judge you and I love you anyway. I have learned to let go of the people and things that I love but never the love I have for them..... So I am there...  just next to you...  standing in a corner... just looking at you... just letting go of all the right reasons and looking for reasons to stay. 

With all I have seen and with all I have been through in life, what I learned most is  how to love people, how to be a safe place for ones who need me, and how to be a smile for people I know. And I did that and I am sure you experienced it.